Revisions Paragraph
1. Setting
In the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, It was cloudy and foggy outside. You couldn't see anything out. You could hear the sound of the waves coming from miles away. You could hear something moving down the water but don't know what it is. You can see the darkish blue sky looking down on the ocean. You could feel how cold it is by seeing your breath and noticing that you're in the middle of nowhere. Then you come out of the water with your right hand holding a bright yellow torch to see where you're going.
2. Plot
Richard was on vacation with his family on a boat when they had an accident in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Richard had three kids, two boys, and one daughter. The kids were young between the ages of five to Eleven. His wife, Mary, was nowhere to be found when the accident happened. Before the accident occurred, they were all together playing music and dancing on the boat. It was a little cold and windy outside. The music that they were playing attracted some creatures down the sea to move close to the surface. One of the creatures hated the noise and came close to their boat and hit it. The boat crashed into the water, and everyone on board drowned. Richard was able to hold his breath for a while and tried to save his kids but failed. While all this was happening, his wife was still nowhere to be found. He came to the surface to take a breathe and went back down to look for his kids and a radio to call for help. He couldn't find his kids or a radio, but a found a torch that was still working down the water and used it to see where he was going. He was in the ocean for three days with no food or water to drink. He then got rescued by a fishing boat, and he told them the story about what happened. There was a flashback of his wife falling into the water. She was drunk and wasn't able to swim. She died before the accident occurred. Richard went home and came back to where the thing happened with a few people to look for the bodies of his family.
In the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, It was cloudy and foggy outside. You couldn't see anything out. You could hear the sound of the waves coming from miles away. You could hear something moving down the water but don't know what it is. You can see the darkish blue sky looking down on the ocean. You could feel how cold it is by seeing your breath and noticing that you're in the middle of nowhere. Then you come out of the water with your right hand holding a bright yellow torch to see where you're going.
2. Plot
Richard was on vacation with his family on a boat when they had an accident in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Richard had three kids, two boys, and one daughter. The kids were young between the ages of five to Eleven. His wife, Mary, was nowhere to be found when the accident happened. Before the accident occurred, they were all together playing music and dancing on the boat. It was a little cold and windy outside. The music that they were playing attracted some creatures down the sea to move close to the surface. One of the creatures hated the noise and came close to their boat and hit it. The boat crashed into the water, and everyone on board drowned. Richard was able to hold his breath for a while and tried to save his kids but failed. While all this was happening, his wife was still nowhere to be found. He came to the surface to take a breathe and went back down to look for his kids and a radio to call for help. He couldn't find his kids or a radio, but a found a torch that was still working down the water and used it to see where he was going. He was in the ocean for three days with no food or water to drink. He then got rescued by a fishing boat, and he told them the story about what happened. There was a flashback of his wife falling into the water. She was drunk and wasn't able to swim. She died before the accident occurred. Richard went home and came back to where the thing happened with a few people to look for the bodies of his family.
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